Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
