I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
