The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
