i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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