And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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