My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
