I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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