i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
