just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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