you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
