I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize