I can text with my tongue
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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