ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
