Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
