Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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