Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
