Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
