whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize