the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
