I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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