look no pants
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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