Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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