What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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