The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
