I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
