haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
