Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
