my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
