he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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