when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
