She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
