i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
