I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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