I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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