Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
