OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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