What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize