it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
