craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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