My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
