soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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