it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize