I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
