I skipped work to stalk him.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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