Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize