Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize