Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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