i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
