I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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