At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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