i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
