She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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