Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
