I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
