New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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