I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
