I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
