so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
