Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
