Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
