So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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