I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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