Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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