I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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