I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
