And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize