Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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