oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
