I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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