I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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