In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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