It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
